Showing posts with label 笑话. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 笑话. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

British English vs. Malaysian English

Just received an email from friend...have some fun...and laugh...and take it easy...

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short,
concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlet for you.
Malaysians: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want lah.

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..
Malaysians: Die lah!!

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.
Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?
Malaysians: Celaka you!

So which would you prefer? 
Good day!

Friday, February 20, 2009

现在小孩的造句

友人寄来的笑话。。。与大家一起分享。。。一起笑笑。。。

1
、题目:一边……一边……
 小朋友写:他一边脱衣服,一边穿裤子。
 老师批语:他到底是要脱还是要穿啊?
2
、题目:其中
 小朋友写:我的其中一只左脚受伤了。
 老师批语:你是蜈蚣吗?
3
、题目:陆陆续续
 小朋友写:下班了,爸爸陆陆续续的回家了。 
 老师批语:你到底有几个爸爸呀?
4
、题目:难过
 小朋友写:我家门前有条水沟很难过。
 老师批语:老师更难过。
5
、题目:又……又……
 小朋友写:我的妈妈又矮又高又胖又瘦。
 老师批语;你的妈妈是变形金钢吗?
6
、题目:你看
 小朋友写:你看什么看!没看过啊
 老师批语:没看过
7
、题目:欣欣向荣
 小朋友写:欣欣向荣荣告白。
 老师批语:连续剧不要看太多了!
8
、题目:好吃
 小朋友写:好吃个屁。
 老师批语:有些东西是不能吃的。
9
、题目:天真
 小朋友写:今天真热。
 老师批语:你真天真。
10
、题目:果然
 小朋友写:昨天我吃水果,然后喝凉水。
 老师批语:是词组,不能分开的。
11
、题目:先……再…… ,例题:先吃饭,再冼澡。
 小朋友写:先生,再见!
 老师批语:想像力超过了地球人的智慧。
12
 、题目:况且
 小朋友写:一列火车经过,况且况且况且况且况且况
 老师批语:我死了算了。

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Joke

Got a joke from friend......

Daddy how was I born?  
 
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'   

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.  We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 

'You got Male!'


Monday, February 9, 2009

笑话

收到的一则网上笑话 ~~~

就在国文课的时候......

同学!!有句话道:「人生自古谁无死?你接下句!」
可怜那位甲同学平常不用功怎么可能知道?
却也只见他从容不迫的回道:
「人生自古谁无屎,有谁大便不用纸?」
下学期后便再没有甲同学的踪迹了…

但是就在隔年~~这位学生跟老师又碰面了!!
上课的时候~老师又问到同样的问题!同学!有句话道:「人生自古谁无死?你接下句!」
请你接著回答.....这回学生学聪明了~
他缓缓的说道:

人生自古谁无屎,孰能大便不用纸。若君不用卫生纸,除非汝是用手指。
老师听完之后~非常火大!但是又不能表现出来~只有冷冷的叫这名学生罚站
接著.... 老师看见窗外正在落下的大雪感慨地说:
上天下雪不下雨,雪到地上变成雨。变成雨时多麻烦,为何当初不下雨。
老师话还未完,罚站的这位学生又感慨地回覆老师:
老师食饭不食屎,饭到肚时变成屎。变成屎时多麻烦,为何当初不食屎。

嘻嘻~~~也够绝的~~~  :)

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